#10 The Facebook Like button. You just wrote the most honest, deepest, and revealing thing you ever could, you're almost too afraid to post it to Facebook, but you do it anyway. You know that all your friends and family are going to absolutely look at you in a whole new light after this. You wait until the day is over and log back in to see what everyone said...and there is not a single comment...just 53 likes. C'mon people liking a post is the equivalent of someone coming to you and saying "Oh My God, I'm getting married!" and you response is a shrug of the shoulders and a muttered "ehhh". #9 Ketchup Water You have to be kidding me right, how has modern science not found a way to eliminate that nasty red drainage from the top of the ketchup bottle... As an avid ketchup user nothing is more disgusting to me then when I go to put ketchup on my hamburger bun and the bread soaks up that nasty residue faster than a sponge could. Thanks ketchup if you weren't so delicious I would probably give you a piece of my mind. #8 Bank ropes Nothing says "you're a hamster" more than that endless rope path at the bank when there are no customers ahead of you. Straight than left, than straight, than right, than straight, than left again... Heaven forbid you just walk to the front every teller in the place will remove their oxygen tanks and snarl those crusty old lips at you for failing to follow protocol! #7 "Selfies" Wow...just wow, have we become so narcissistic in our lives that the only person capable of taking a good picture of ourselves is ourselves? Seriously you don't have a single friend that would be willing to take a picture of you? How about the two girl selfies? How about one of you take the picture for the other one...it's just a matter of time before you bang your friend's boyfriend and she crops you out of the photo anyway...Oh an guys seriously put a shirt on, trust me no matter how good a shape you are in any woman worthwhile doesn't gauge her response to you based on the number of abs you have, or the lack of chest hair. Just everyone...put the fucking camera down please! #6 Stupid Girls Every dumb dating profile everywhere has stupid girls saying..."I'm sarcastic" this is stupid girl for..."I'm a bitch". Sorry! Now before backlash reaches out and smacks me let me clarify. It says stupid girls, as in only girls who are stupid. Not all of you, if you get offended than...you're probably stupid. Seriously wipe that duck face expression off your face before your wife beater wearing tribal tattoo covered boyfriend comes and smacks it off of you before he than apologizes and tell you how much he loves you. Ladies, when guys say they want a chick that laughs...he means at his jokes. Here's the thing, to guys, most women aren't funny, sure we're laughing because somewhere deep down inside of us we hope there is a point in time inside your brain you will have this conversation... "He's okay, but I don't think I like him. However he did laugh at my jokes so I should probably get naked and let him do bad things to me now." Ninety nine percent of the time....that's the only reason we laughed. #5 Airing your dirty laundry on social media This is one of the few times I actually like #10. Here's the thing, it's your business, so when you air it out there for everyone to see or read about be prepared for snarky comments from me among others. We don't care that your man/woman cheated on you, nobody here is going to pretend to notice that your family sucks. It's called life, suck it up and move on. If it gets that difficult don't post shit online about it, buy a fucking helmet! I'm sure when the two guys who invented the internet sees stupid shit like "I can't take it anymore" or "This bitch is crazy" they just fucking pats themselves on the back for a job well done. I'm surprised they haven't committed suicide by now with all the bullshit people use the internet for. Facebook, Twitter, Insta-gram...these sites weren't created as a virtual journal for you, believe it or not we can all see your posts, so just know...you've been warned! #4 Slow Walkers/ Gawkers Whether in the mall, on the sidewalk, in the park or in any store ever...you've come across the Slow Walker/Gawker. This is the person who seems to not be in a rush. Clearly they know they are holding up foot traffic, so either they are ignorant or they just don't care...either way you can't say that when this happens you don't feel like slapping them in the back of their heads and pointing to in front of them and screaming for everyone to hear "FUCKING MOVE." Now there are reasonable exceptions to this rule, if your older, or a child, or...lets face it Asian. Okay I'm sorry for the Asian thing but come on...it's kind of true. Than again if I was walking through downtown Bejing they would probably be ready to rip my head off too. Just keep up people, if you notice that people are passing you move yourself to the slow lane. #3 Being rude to service industry people Hey I got news for you, in some of these higher end restaurants these servers and bartenders can make upwards of 80k a year. Most of them are putting themselves through college to become doctors, lawyers and scientists. Just because their mommy and daddy couldn't afford to send them through college on their own doesn't give your silver spoon fed mouth the right to treat them like garbage. Truth be told some of them hate you more than you hate them. Besides the last person you really want to piss off is the person who is touching the food or drinks you are going to put in your mouth. So even if they suck at their job be nice, and if the person is horrible at their job than 10% is sufficient, but be fucking nice, at the end of the day they are still a person. #2 Pressing "1" for English So last time I checked I still live in America, so please explain this one to me. If I live in a country where English is the native language than why is it a choice? I would understand better if it was like "If you need to hear this is Spanish press 2" or any other language/ number combination. I also understand that America is a melting pot of a lot of different cultures, but guess what? Most countries at some point or another were also, the point of a national language is for us all to use it. I know quite a few people who don't have a full comprehension of the English language because they either just immigrated or moved here. They try though, I mean come on how ignorant is it to think "I'm going to move to another country and force them to cater to me." That's ridiculous. Oh and Sanjit...I know your fucking name is Ben, you know how I know? Because you can't even say the word BEN!!! If I press English I want to talk to someone who has English skills as their first language, not their secondary language. Credit card companies are the worst offenders, my solution I ask the call center employee what country they are in and when it comes time to pay my bill, I'm going to the currency exchange and getting that currency and mailing it in with my payment stub...Fuck you Citibank!...lol. #1 The obvious observer We all know this person very well, it's that one friend that says the most incredibly obvious thing all the time, or asks the most obvious questions. You come inside from outside soaked, they say "Is it raining?" They are the most oblivious person even to their most ignorant statements. The reason this is the most annoying thing? Because they always seem to be there at the worst possible time. When you're already in a bad mood, or the weather sucks, or things just aren't going your way. They send the "Are you okay?" text and when you respond they ignore you. They ask if your feeling better when you tell everyone your not feeling well, they let you know they aren't coming to your party the day after it happened. These people are the very reason why life becomes more unbearable to deal with on a daily basis. |
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